With a deceptive pious attitude, I asked myself, “Why am I here? These people are vile and I am surrounded by them. God, get me out of here! I don’t belong here!!” I begged, “Lord, I’ve always been a goody two shoes and here I sit in the Spokane County Jail waiting room. I‘m surrounded by the stench of old smoke, left over drugs and putrid alcohol. The women are lustfully dressed, the men gawking, and the children unmanageable. I don’t belong here.”
The guard at the check-in desk muttered some remark – not caring if anyone heard him. Never making eye contact, he mumbled a name louder this time – announcing someone’s time to visit. A pleasure-seeking woman sauntered up to the desk, showing her wares, and walked through the metal detector only to have its loud buzzer catch everyone’s attention. Enjoying the noticing glances, she made her way back through the detector to take off a myriad of chain bracelets, necklaces, piercings and hoop earrings.
My stomach turned nauseous. “Why am I here? This isn’t fair.” And yet, here I sit. Here I remain waiting my turn for my name to be mumbled. My love for my incarcerated son keeps me in my place.
An hour goes by as I try to be patient. My surroundings are tugging at my emotions. Not only do I not want to be here, I do not want to see the pain that surrounds me. A couple in the corner having a fight; an old woman obviously living on the streets going through her grocery bag one more time; a young lady with rings in her nose, ears, tongue and eyebrows, looking so sad, so dark, so lost – oh, so despondent. A filthy man, unshaven, slovenly dressed, not really caring about anything grunted curse words in his impatience. It is a world I did not know existed before September 25, 2001.
As I sat there I mentally talked to the Lord. I argued with Him as I tried to convince Him that this was all a bad dream and I didn’t think He was very funny. My sick stomach, my swollen tear-filled eyes, and the lump in my throat were reminders this was reality. I begged God to reveal Himself, because right now all I could see was the evidence of a sin sick world. And it turned my stomach. I was repulsed by it. I wanted to throw up. All I could do was endure being in the midst of it. As my emotions mounted up, I caught myself screaming in my mind: “Why Lord? Why my precious family? Why??”![]()
The Lord softly answers. . .
“What do you think it was like for Me to come from Heaven’s gates to lowly earth?”
A simple, quiet question. That’s how my Lord is. Never pushy, only penetratingly truthful.
“What do you think it was like for Me to come from the splendor of perfect Paradise to a dirty, repulsive world? Walk in my sandals for a moment.”
Humility filled my entire being as my floodgates opened wide. I was embarrassed by my pride, disgusted with my piety, and sickened I had questioned my Lord. My brokenness became shattered into even smaller pieces as I realized the magnitude of what my Lord had done for me…..oh wretch that I am. He came from Paradise to perversion - all for the sake of love.
For the King of kings and Lord of lords to humble Himself to come to earth as a helpless baby and to walk amongst a sin sick people who had no clue. How did it make Him feel as He heard our cursing, read our eyes, saw our hearts and watched our backs turn away from Him? As the WORD became flesh and dwelt among us, are we brought to our knees in utter ADORATION - cherishing His outstretched arms? Everlasting arms longing to hold us, guard us, empower us and free us. Oh, come… let us…adore Him.
-Excerpt from Regenerated Heart
